title:
date:Monday, August 14, 2006 | Monday, August 14, 2006
Standing Alone In The Middle Of This Hall
Having a rush of uncertainty and insecurity. It could be the bio test, it could be cause I did something wrong or it could just be ME!! I'm slightly dizzy right now. Sitting on this rocky white IKEA stool and trying to figure out what's wrong. I find myself to be really weird nowadays. One day, I could be chirpy and nice. The next day, I could be the most unfriendly person you've ever met.
I suddenly feel as though I'm missing something. Something that probably hasn't been within me for the past few months or who knows, years! I think I've been in my fantasyland for far too long. You know, that kind of dreamy feeling you get when you start to feel light. Alright, you all might think I'm abit crazy, but I'm not. I'm serious.
I'm deciding if I should go for the mission trip right now. I'm thinking hard, praying hard. "Lord, please show me the way" I say to myself each time I feel unsure. I've been saying this for the past few hours. I want to know where my heart lies now. Where I should go. What I should be doing. Anything. I'm losing it.I start talking to myself in my head.
I'm becoming more tensed up by the minutes. Not realising I've been walking to and fro the house for more than a dozen times. Walk to the kitchen, open the fridge door, close it, walk back to room. I need to make a decision now. The people around me wants me to go. Maybe I should just sit myself down, do some work and email Kelvin later. I would be fine. I know I will be....
the faith i'm lacking of now.
andrea